Right now I feel broken. For those of you who aren't aware we lost our baby a few days ago. On Friday I went in for my 18 week 4 day appointment with the doctor. He did his small in office ultrasound and couldn't find a heartbeat. Thinking that his machine just isn't top notch he then tried the Doppler. Still no heartbeat. Right then my world completely fell apart. I felt like I was in a dream. He scheduled us for a better ultrasound over at the hospital a few hours later. Can I just say those were the longest 3 hours of my life. Before we went Tyson gave me a beautiful blessing that gave me comfort. We went in and had the ultrasound and our fears were truly confirmed....no heartbeat. The baby measured about 14 1/2 weeks with no obvious problems that he could see. He thinks maybe the baby just stopped growing. So the next thing I know we are discussing scheduling a D&C for the next week unless of course I had symptoms of impending delivery. Up to this point my pregnancy had been just like the last two. No signs of problems or miscarriage. All I could think was this doesn't happen to me. I am dreaming, this ISN'T happening to me.
On Saturday Ty had to work and so I went up to my mom and dads so that I wasn't alone. That afternoon I went to the bathroom and was bleeding. The doctor called me and said that he had heard from the perinatologist and she would see me Monday in Provo. He said that she would have another ultrasound done and then they would probably just induce my labor. But he also said that since I was starting to bleed that I could just come up to the hospital in Fillmore and he could induce me. At this point still carrying the baby I just wanted to get it over with and not have to wait 2 or 3 more days. We decided to go in Saturday night and be induced. Before we went up my dad and Tyson gave me a beautiful and comforting blessing that I know was a great strength for me during all of this.
When we got to the hospital he told us that typically it takes 18-24 hours for the little pill to get the cervix going and to be ready to deliver, but that I probably wouldn't need to dilate all the way. The first pill was given to me at 8:30 and then again at 12:30. When the doctor came in and checked me at 6:00am Sunday morning he said I was at a 5 and he could feel the baby so I would be able to deliver. I am not going to go over details of this because it is near and dear to Ty and I heart and we want to keep it with us. But at around 7am I delivered a beautiful baby boy. My little Angel baby was absolutely perfect.....too perfect to stay here on the earth.
I want to thank everyone for there love and support. I have truly felt your prayers and have appreciated the calls, notes, flowers, dinners, and encouraging words I have received. This has been the most difficult time in my entire life. I am so thankful to have the gospel in my life. It is such a comfort to know that one day I will be reunited with my angel baby and I will be able to hold him and love him like a mommy should.
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