~CookOut~

On Saturday afternoon Ty came home from work and decided we needed to go out and do something. So we decided to head up dry creek in Meadow for a cookout. The kids were super excited to go. The kids had fun exploring and of course Connor had to throw every rock he saw. We ate yummy tinfoil dinners and roasted some marshmallows. It was a lot of fun just being together as a family.

Barnyard Moosical

On the 19th we went to the annual Elementary School Program. The theme this year was "Barnyard Moosical." Everything was farm related. It was just adorable. Macie was a cowgirl with her pony. The poor little girl had a slight fever earlier in the day but still wanted to go to the program. The next day I took her to the doctor and she has Strep throat. You would never know she didn't feel well because she sang and danced so well!!!

10 Years and Counting....

Who are the babies in these pictures??? I cannot believe that Ty and I have been married for 10 years! It really has gone by so fast. We have experienced so much together in 10 years its amazing. We have moved more times than I would like to remember. In 2004 we started our family with a beautiful daughter Macie. In 2007 we added our little man Connor. In 2009 we added yet another little boy who will always be our angel in Heaven watching over us. We have truly been blessed in our 10 years of marriage. I just want to tell Ty how much I love him. Ten years ago today was truly the happiest day of my life. My life has been blessed in more ways then one being married to Ty. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband who loves me more than I could ever comprehend. He has been such a rock for me through good times and bad. I am truly more in love with him today than I could have even imagined 10 years ago. Happy Anniversary Babe! I love you sooooo much!!!

** San Diego **

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On Thursday the 15th we began our trip to San Diego. We spent the night in Primm and then finished the trip on Friday. We were so excited to get there and the kids did great in the car! We were able to do so many fun things while we were there. Shelby's apartment has a swimming pool and we were able to swim.
One day we went to the San Diego zoo. We were able to see so many fun animals. They were all so active. The zoo is so big and it was kind of complicated to decide where to go. But we saw alot of new animals and had a great time. Macie rode the sky ride with Taylor and Shelby. It was her first time and I was scared to death. But she said if I don't try it I won't know if I like it. So she did it and loved it!!
Taylor works at the Marine Base so we were able to go there. We went bowling. The kids had a great time. We were also able to play in the free arcade! It was great!!
We went to the beach 2 days. It was so beautiful! There were huge waves and it was fun to take the kids into the water. We collected alot of seashells. Connor was content to just play in the sand. But when I finally convinced him to get his feet wet he loved it! Although he wouldn't take off his shoes!
We went to the Mormon Battalion monument. We went on a really fun and interesting tour. The kids were able to pan for gold. They thought it was alot of fun. The next day Macie actually asked me if we could go back.
We were able to visit the port of San Diego. We saw alot of big ships. Connor loved the pirate ship. It was very interesting. Then we drove down to the San Diego Temple. It is simply gorgeous!!! It was nice to just walk around the outside and enjoy the beauty. But my mom and I are still kicking ourselves for not bringing our recommends! We will definitely do that next time and do a session.
One night we took the kids to Chuckie Cheese. I don't know who had a better time....Macie, Connor, or Taylor! I think he is a child in a grown mans body!
We had such a wonderful time. It was sad to leave. Connor cried because he wanted to live with Shelby:( It was hard because the next time I see Shelby she is going to be a mommy! We left on Saturday morning and decided to make it a one day trip. Well strangely enough I think Connor had food poisoning that day. He couldn't keep down any fluids at all. Every time he would sip 15 or so minutes later it would come back up. The poor little guy threw up the entire way home. He was such a trooper. And believe it or not that was the only day he was sick! He was fine on Sunday.
Thanks so much to my mom for taking us down. It was such a fun trip and we will never forget it! And super thanks to Shelby and Taylor for putting up with us for a week! We had such a fun time and can't wait to do it again!!!

{ D-Day }

Due Date.......

Today was to be the day. April 19th.....the day I had been looking forward too since August. The day that (hopefully) would have marked the end of my pregnancy with a healthy little surprise! The day when 9 months of waiting would have been so worth it and the real fun would have started.

But today I sit with an empty womb and empty arms; both ache for that precious little boy. I am so thankful that I was able to have him for nearly 19 weeks. I am so thankful for the great surprise he gave us in August when I found out he was on his way. I am so thankful for the 9 week checkup when we saw the little flickering heartbeat. I am so thankful for the 14 week checkup when we we saw the little man moving around. And that precious little wave of the arm he gave us to say hi mom and dad I am here! I am so thankful for the few precious little movements I felt him give me.

I am so thankful for the way his delivery happened. It was very peaceful and serene and means so much to me and Tyson. I am so thankful that we were able to see him and memorize his sweet little perfect body. I am so thankful that he was able to be a part of my life for such a short time. I am so thankful that he is my son.

I am so thankful to have this gospel in my life. It is such a comfort to know that this little sweet boy is waiting for us in heaven and that he will be ours for the rest of eternity. I am so blessed to have him be apart of my eternal family.

Sweet little angel baby boy mommy loves you so so so so so so much. So much in fact that I could never fully explain the depths of my love for you. I know I will see you again soon and I will be able to hold you, kiss you, hug you, and tell you in person how much I love you. I miss you more than you can know and love you so so so much.

**Overflowing**

I am overflowing with happiness and joy right now. This morning I was able to deliver my blankets and poems to the hospital. As I was talking to them about my experience and why I wanted to donate I cried like a baby. But it felt so good to give and to know that hopefully no mother will ever have to experience this tragedy the way I did. I gave them some "helpful hints" that will hopefully help other families and give them some insight into what I experienced being the mother. I know that my little man is smiling down on me and I know that he is proud of his mommy.

Honoring My Angel

The little blankets

The finished products

After I delivered our Angel son I came home and had lots of time to reflect and think about what would have made my experience "better." I walked out of the hospital with absolutely nothing. All I have are the memories of my angel in my womb and the 15 or so minutes that we spent memorizing him. I decided that no other mother should ever ever have to leave the hospital with nothing at all. This is how I decided to start this little project to donate to the Fillmore Hospital in honor of my little angel.

Instead of working on newborn blankets the past few months I have been making blankets that are a little larger than a washcloth. I have also included a great poem and a little note from me. I don't in anyway want to make the mothers experience about me so I just put my baby's initials and birthdate on the card. I feel like this is the best way I can honor him and also help other mothers to have something to take home.

The card I wrote just says:

I hope that this little blanket and poem can bring you some comfort and peace during this difficult time in your life. Love Always, The mommy of an angel. BBD 11-22-09

The Poem is a tear jerker but I love it!

What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes And prayed to God today, I asked, "What makes a Mother?" And I know I heard him say: A Mother has a baby,This we know is true But, God, can you be a mother When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, he replied With confidence in his voice,I give many women babies, When they leave it is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime, And others for the day, And some I send to feel your womb, But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here.
He took a breath, and cleared his throat, And then I saw a tear. I wish I could show you, What your child is doing Here...
If you could see your child smile With other children and say, "We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear, but My mommy loved me so much I got to come straight here!" I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me, I learned my lessons very quickly, My Mommy set me free. I miss my Mommy oh so much But I visit her each day. When she goes to sleep, On her pillow is where I lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, And whisper in her ear,"Mommy, Please don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one, Your children are okay. Your babies are here in My home, And this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with Me, Until your lessons there are through, And on the day that you come home, they'll be at the gates waiting for you
So now you see What makes a Mother, It's the feeling in your heart, It's the love you had so much of Right from the very start.
Author Unknown

I am very excited to present these to the hospital and perhaps give myself some closure to that part of my grief. I am so glad that I was able to complete these before his due date (that was my goal.) I love you little Angel.